Imprints and Impressions

Loving God, free me of fear, free me of guilt,
Free me of pointless obsessions
Help others forgive me and remember me for something good,
Help me be better, much better.

Punish me for my wrong, so that I may not inflict more poison
Help me keep my head up and spirits high, and never let me sigh.
Help me be myself, and guide me in every word I utter,
Help me to let live, and sometimes, let go.

Help me to understand loneliness as a companion,
and pain as a poignant melody.
Help me sometimes, to feel reality as fantasy, and fantasy as a sweet reality...
Give fire to deserving impulses, and wings to the most beautiful dreams.

Help me put a smile on one new face a day,
and with each smile, let a dream blossom.
Help me strengthten my intuitions, and broaden my perceptions
Don't let any bad thought freeze for a moment, or a good feeling flow too quickly.

Help me find pleasure in the simple things of life,
Help me trust in myself completely, and be an inspiration
Don't let me break any promise, or any heart,
Never let me die ashamed, guilty or unforgiven...

'Baawra mann dekhne chala ek sapna', and returned poorer but not any wiser. The splendid sunshine on the heart was ephemeral- almost fictional in nature, conjured by the 'baawra mann'. My gypsy heart does this every time, taking a dream tour on the sands of Utopia, and then limps back bleeding. But I love you, my dear heart, although you do beat a little too fast at times, without my consent.

At the end of the movie called 'day', when the credits go up, and when the motherly  night protectively wraps the world in her dark arms, rocking it to another period of blissful unconsciousness called sleep, I sit up in bed- drunk in a chain of events of the day which have become bundled up and confusing as the night becomes nighter, until all that remains is only a faint trail of the day, called 'impression'.

The thoughts of the day, at some unknown point transform to thoughts of the night before - the dreams.. The dreams are clear once again, now that the blinding light of the day has left the mind. The midnight run, the abandoned house, the failed mission...

My eyes are drooping, my body is only a little tired, my mind is unable to decide whether it is ready to crash with just one more thought, or has just refreshed...I need to sleep. Will the dreams be better tonight? I do not know, and have no control on them.

A fleeting thought of the day ahead, a little fear, a little hope, a sharp and sudden pang of pain, a twinge of self pity, a pointless regret, an exhilaration, an urgent prayer, half a tear...a something has just enveloped me and is now dragging me in its possession- a signal to go into that unconscious state where dreams rule without permission. A heaviness on the eyes...the drone of the ceiling fan turns into the sound of a grinder in an abandoned house...another anxious and unconscious wait for the sunshine to dawn and dispel the dreams...