Wednesday, September 28, 2011
My name is Hope, and I just died
inside a heart which cherished me till my last breath.
My best friend is a foolish mind, which makes me eternal,
and my worst enemy is reality, which just killed the last flame in me.
I am the bridge between fantasy and reality-
the bridge which leads to my own death..
But I never give up! I fly with a new meaning,
in search of another foolish mind, which I will feed on.
inside a heart which cherished me till my last breath.
My best friend is a foolish mind, which makes me eternal,
and my worst enemy is reality, which just killed the last flame in me.
I am the bridge between fantasy and reality-
the bridge which leads to my own death..
But I never give up! I fly with a new meaning,
in search of another foolish mind, which I will feed on.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Pulled back into a remote past, which I almost forgot existed...
I feel that innocence, that child-like tenderness, blissful freedom once again!
I feel joy like a child gifted with a big balloon, when she was eyeing it longingly.
How I wish i lived on in this moment forever- unharmed and untied by sharp arrows of passion, wasteful tears!
Holding my father's finger, I walk through a fare, balloon in hand,
raptured by everything around me, too fascinated to linger on to one thing
and too happy to cling on to any one happiness.
I come back home, sleep like a baby that I was.
When did I lose it all? Why did it leave me butchered?
Now, something different has enveloped me- something invading, and unrelenting.
Does not let me go- or am I not letting it go?
I am addicted, bonded, overpowered,
just as I thought nothing could conquer this beautiful mind..
In nature, I sense you; in music, I live you;
and in tears, I long for you..
Hope- is this heaven or hell? Why can I not stop hoping,
even with signs everywhere urging me to retreat?
You are my pain, and a cushion for my pain at the same time!
I can't leave you, and that is a pain; I try to leave you, and that is a worse pain..
You invite me to you, and when I come, it was all an illusion.
I am dissolved now, into an unfamiliar feeling
where nothing seems real, but nothing is a dream anymore.
I feel that innocence, that child-like tenderness, blissful freedom once again!
I feel joy like a child gifted with a big balloon, when she was eyeing it longingly.
How I wish i lived on in this moment forever- unharmed and untied by sharp arrows of passion, wasteful tears!
Holding my father's finger, I walk through a fare, balloon in hand,
raptured by everything around me, too fascinated to linger on to one thing
and too happy to cling on to any one happiness.
I come back home, sleep like a baby that I was.
When did I lose it all? Why did it leave me butchered?
Now, something different has enveloped me- something invading, and unrelenting.
Does not let me go- or am I not letting it go?
I am addicted, bonded, overpowered,
just as I thought nothing could conquer this beautiful mind..
In nature, I sense you; in music, I live you;
and in tears, I long for you..
Like waves on the beach, you embrace me, then leave me all of a sudden,
and I never know when you will come to me next, and neither do you.Hope- is this heaven or hell? Why can I not stop hoping,
even with signs everywhere urging me to retreat?
You are my pain, and a cushion for my pain at the same time!
I can't leave you, and that is a pain; I try to leave you, and that is a worse pain..
You invite me to you, and when I come, it was all an illusion.
I am dissolved now, into an unfamiliar feeling
where nothing seems real, but nothing is a dream anymore.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
I was fast asleep, and blissfully unaware
as the sun dawned, heralding a new beginning, a new day.
When I awoke, the sun was bright and warm,
lighting up the world around me, and inside my soul..
I was too busy with my day to notice, or acknowledge this.
Why will I be grateful, if the sun rose? It is perfectly natural and even expected!
The day wore on, and the sun grew hotter, as if to remind me of its presence, in vain.
I was annoyed, and blamed the sun for its unbearable heat.
I 'suffered' the heat, and 'survived' the duration of the sun's last attempt to catch my attention.
The clock ticked on, and a cool breeze awoke me to the truth..
I then beheld a most beautiful sunset, enjoying the twilight hues, realizing how perfect
and necessary the sun was to me, a part of me all day, every second!
I resolved to reform, to show better gratitude to the gift I have been receiving,
the warmth I felt throughout- a flicker of enlightenment had just struck me!
Little did I realize that the most beautiful moments were a sacrifice,
a beautiful way of saying an apology, and a little farewell.
Darkness grew, I was cold and became scared, and felt all alone..
I wanted to shout out for the sunshine to embrace me again, just one more time.
Regrets were all I sensed in me, and even my tears were mocking my state..
I suddenly realized how alive I had unconsciously felt all this time.
Why does recognition always happen just before it all ends?
Why are second chances so difficult to come by?
Why is it so hard to let go of ego, and give everything its rightful due, while the sun still shines?
Will my sun rise again, and will I wake up to it, relishing its warmth and hope once more?
Never again will I wake up too late to truth
or doze off before the lullaby ends..
Never again will I ask for a second chance to do a pending deed.
All I want is for my sun to shine on my soul again, and dispel this infernal blindness.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Loving God, free me of fear, free me of guilt,
Free me of pointless obsessions
Help others forgive me and remember me for something good,
Help me be better, much better.
Punish me for my wrong, so that I may not inflict more poison
Help me keep my head up and spirits high, and never let me sigh.
Help me be myself, and guide me in every word I utter,
Help me to let live, and sometimes, let go.
Help me to understand loneliness as a companion,
and pain as a poignant melody.
Help me sometimes, to feel reality as fantasy, and fantasy as a sweet reality...
Give fire to deserving impulses, and wings to the most beautiful dreams.
Help me put a smile on one new face a day,
and with each smile, let a dream blossom.
Help me strengthten my intuitions, and broaden my perceptions
Don't let any bad thought freeze for a moment, or a good feeling flow too quickly.
Help me find pleasure in the simple things of life,
Help me trust in myself completely, and be an inspiration
Don't let me break any promise, or any heart,
Never let me die ashamed, guilty or unforgiven...
Free me of pointless obsessions
Help others forgive me and remember me for something good,
Help me be better, much better.
Punish me for my wrong, so that I may not inflict more poison
Help me keep my head up and spirits high, and never let me sigh.
Help me be myself, and guide me in every word I utter,
Help me to let live, and sometimes, let go.
Help me to understand loneliness as a companion,
and pain as a poignant melody.
Help me sometimes, to feel reality as fantasy, and fantasy as a sweet reality...
Give fire to deserving impulses, and wings to the most beautiful dreams.
Help me put a smile on one new face a day,
and with each smile, let a dream blossom.
Help me strengthten my intuitions, and broaden my perceptions
Don't let any bad thought freeze for a moment, or a good feeling flow too quickly.
Help me find pleasure in the simple things of life,
Help me trust in myself completely, and be an inspiration
Don't let me break any promise, or any heart,
Never let me die ashamed, guilty or unforgiven...
Thursday, February 10, 2011
'Baawra mann dekhne chala ek sapna', and returned poorer but not any wiser. The splendid sunshine on the heart was ephemeral- almost fictional in nature, conjured by the 'baawra mann'. My gypsy heart does this every time, taking a dream tour on the sands of Utopia, and then limps back bleeding. But I love you, my dear heart, although you do beat a little too fast at times, without my consent.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
At the end of the movie called 'day', when the credits go up, and when the motherly night protectively wraps the world in her dark arms, rocking it to another period of blissful unconsciousness called sleep, I sit up in bed- drunk in a chain of events of the day which have become bundled up and confusing as the night becomes nighter, until all that remains is only a faint trail of the day, called 'impression'.
The thoughts of the day, at some unknown point transform to thoughts of the night before - the dreams.. The dreams are clear once again, now that the blinding light of the day has left the mind. The midnight run, the abandoned house, the failed mission...
My eyes are drooping, my body is only a little tired, my mind is unable to decide whether it is ready to crash with just one more thought, or has just refreshed...I need to sleep. Will the dreams be better tonight? I do not know, and have no control on them.
A fleeting thought of the day ahead, a little fear, a little hope, a sharp and sudden pang of pain, a twinge of self pity, a pointless regret, an exhilaration, an urgent prayer, half a tear...a something has just enveloped me and is now dragging me in its possession- a signal to go into that unconscious state where dreams rule without permission. A heaviness on the eyes...the drone of the ceiling fan turns into the sound of a grinder in an abandoned house...another anxious and unconscious wait for the sunshine to dawn and dispel the dreams...
The thoughts of the day, at some unknown point transform to thoughts of the night before - the dreams.. The dreams are clear once again, now that the blinding light of the day has left the mind. The midnight run, the abandoned house, the failed mission...
My eyes are drooping, my body is only a little tired, my mind is unable to decide whether it is ready to crash with just one more thought, or has just refreshed...I need to sleep. Will the dreams be better tonight? I do not know, and have no control on them.
A fleeting thought of the day ahead, a little fear, a little hope, a sharp and sudden pang of pain, a twinge of self pity, a pointless regret, an exhilaration, an urgent prayer, half a tear...a something has just enveloped me and is now dragging me in its possession- a signal to go into that unconscious state where dreams rule without permission. A heaviness on the eyes...the drone of the ceiling fan turns into the sound of a grinder in an abandoned house...another anxious and unconscious wait for the sunshine to dawn and dispel the dreams...
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