Monday, February 15, 2010
It was once again a dawn of dream today. I awoke much before the alarm rang, trying to figure out what awoke me. Heat? Could be, but then it was not so hot after all... Noise? I thought I heard my roomie talk with her mom who's come over... no, they are still asleep. Oh, wait...the regular reason- thirst! Yes, I was thirsty. I took a generous swig from my water bottle which I always keep at my bedside. Then, without bothering to find out the time, I dozed off again. It was then that I dremt this intense dream...
...Yet again, the ubiquitous water falls. This time it wasn't from a great height. The water was more like a flood, taking with it, people, trees, houses... I can see my house- probably uninhabited now. I seem to be the sole living creature on earth. So much happening borrowed just two seconds of my dream- only a curtain raiser to a poignant emotion that was to follow. The flood did not overpower my senses, the desertedness around did not numb my thoughts, even the momentary glance at my now empty home did not have excrutiating effects.
Then I saw it- a lone branch of a tree slowly succumbing to the downward flow of the flood. The branch seemed to be alive, it seemed to convey something to me. It almost seemed surreal to see it hesitate to go down, frozen in time, while everything else was rapidly and forcefully swept away by the brown and white water. This straight branch was delaying its departure, tugging at obstructions, trying to slide through corners...something struck me like lightning- my sweetheart- wait, is there one? I don't know... it seems like that... I am going to be abandoned...A sweet emotion just dripped out of me and melted along with others into the watery death. No... Come back. Please...
Calm down, it is too late. It was too late hours ago anyway. Farewell, sweetheart...Now I know what was conveyed to me... These words- or are these emotions- are ringing loudly in my mind: "Lonely... alone....tune....lonely...lonely....compose tune...."
I decipher your message sweetheart... The reluctant branch has just gifted me, in the course of its flow to death, with just the thing you wish- a tune synonymous to total loneliness, grief.... you wanted me to be aware that you had to leave me...I heard the tune already. I did not compose it... The tune was a thought, an emotion, not a composition. The beautiful melody represented at the same time, the grief of a bereaved lover, and the eternal peace of the departed. Of conscious knowledge...and blissful ignorance...of painful flashes of sweet memories...and of a soul, blank in memory, in search of another body...
Then I awoke. I clung on to the tune as steadfastly as I could, and slowly opened my eyes, conscious of the transition from the subconscious to the conscious state. I realized on fully awaking, that the tune was only a fragment. And vague. I retained as much memory as I could of the beautiful musical emotion and am still trying to solidify it into a real life musical tune. It is here in my soul, the emotion gifted by the lover. I am suffering from pangs of pain, just like a mother to be, waiting for the emotion to be born into a tune which can be sung, and not just felt. Aah... I can feel it tug at the chords of my soul...
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